You guys are the best :> Thanks for all those encouraging messages, I really don’t know what to tell you ;v;
But… How do I make this sound rational? I’m not suicidal, I’m not mad, or sad as it is. It just annoys me that what I whisper to myself is true, not the fact that I whisper at all. I’m a horrible person and I have done things I’m ashamed of, but even if I can try to fix them they always find the way not to be fixed, and it’s my own laziness. I’d like to apologize personally to those who I’ve hurt but, guys, I’m a nasty little coward.
So I don’t think I’m able to handle thinking positively because it’d be an utter blatant lie, and I know it, thus it’ll make me more miserable to know that I have to lie to myself to keep on going normally.
I’m relieved and yet a bit guilty that most of you cannot see how awful of a being I am, and I guess I should just shut up about myself and swallow my own lies so I can accept your support, but I don’t want to feed on naivety. I think people around me should know a few things before expecting anything from me.
1. Don’t expect anything even if you give me something. I’m a miserly bastard and I hardly ever give anything back.
2. Don’t ask me favors, especially if they include something out of my room. I’ll do them after a year or two.
3. Don’t trust me with anything that isn’t immediate. I have a short-lapse, very selective memory and won’t even remember to call my ophthalmologist until I run out of contact lenses. (I actually need to do that this afternoon)
4. Just don’t trust me.
5. I’m always late even when I actually try not to be.
6. Read number one.
Again, even if I do consider this lack of feeling as depression, I’m not sad or mad and I don’t think I should be a matter of concern. Actually I’m just emotionless, somehow sane enough to let you know how I’m like and why I would despise myself if I met me, or someone like me. I’m just pointing this out so I don’t hurt you too.
TL;DR: I’m an awful person but I’m fine and you guys are awesome. Cheers.
I’ll go back to drawing, this is a doodle blog, not a rant blog. 8D; Sorry?